Men shooting at each other
Blowing Each Other Up
To make their country more powerful
To say they’re better
Leaving their families in fear
Wondering if they’re alive
Always moving, never standing still,
Always the fear of death
Always the fear of never seeing your loved ones again
Most hearts beat faster than ever
Some don’t beat at all
Is it worth it?
Sacrificing themselves, for what?More land?
Is it worth it? All the fear involved in war?
Just to be recognized as a brave soul?
Is it worth it? Of course it is.
7 comments:
This is pretty deep alex pretty deep. its like super deep. great poem
ye thx man
Nice poem... OK.... so...
Got my thoughts. AND READ THE WHOLE THING!; )
Great poem so far, but a few improvements could be made. I have a few tips for you to make the poem harder, better, faster, and stronger. And memorable, too. Perhaps you're being too casual right now. It's supposed to be a Rememberance Day poem, so it should have some kind of solemn tone.Like the one line: "Blowing each other up." That's a bit casual, don't you think? I understand what you're trying to say, that the people were cruelly shot and mines maybe blew them up, but consider this: if someone saw this poem, someone who knew somebody who had been blown up, someone close, what would they say? They would say that you should have put in that the soldiers were shot down or simply the fact that the bombs/mines blew up in their faces.
That's one point.
Take out all your periods. Please. It'll look better.
So you put in a great ending. Now we've clarified that, heres one simple tip. Split the lines up, so there's more intensity. Trust me, it'll look better. These are the lines:
Sacrificing themselves, for what? More land?
Is it worth it? All the fear involved in war?
Just to be recognized as a brave soul?
Is it worth it? Of course it is.
Consider this:
Sacrificing themselves, for what?
More land?
Is it worth it?
All the fear involved in war?
Just to be recognized as a brave soul?
Is it worth it?
Of course it is.
It may look a bit weird, but it worked for me.
Great poem, though. you really expressed yourself in a way. I liked the last few lines, asking questions, then finishing with "Of course it is." So, just make all improvements possible, and the poem will be great!
thanks purmboy :)
im gonna use this one
Hey Alex, "purm"'s spelled perm. SO HAHAHAHA.
Hee Hee.
haha ok
but i changed the poem.
how is it??
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